I'm Going to be a Dad

On Wednesday I found out I was going to be a Dad. This was the first month trying so we were a little suprised that it happened so quickly. To say I am in shock is an understatement. I am excited but very much afraid. To think God would entrust another human being into my care is awe inspiring.

You might say, "God already entrusts other human beings to you. You are a Chaplain. You talk and enfluence soldiers all the time." A soldier or realy anyone besides your own young child has a system of defences. If you say something wrong or do something wrong they have their own system in place to kick it out. Their mind is able to determine for itself or others that watch over them can protect them can expunge the thought or concept.

With parrenthood especially fatherhood it is different than any other type of influence. God places you as a father in such a position of trust that for the most part it becomes difficult to distinguish between your words and the words of your child. Your thoughts and the thoughts of your child. I can not count the times that I have opened my mouth only to here my father speaking through me.

Is it any wonder that Paul considered Timothy his son in the faith (1 Timothy 1:2). Paul had moved to such a place of influence within Timothy's life that the words of Paul flew indiscrimanetly from the mouth of Timothy. Timothy was sent by Paul to represent Paul and Christ to the city (1 Timothy 1:3). Paul was considered Timothy's father because he had almost completely supplanted the role of father to Timothy.

So here I am with God's trust placed upon my life. With the very ability to speak thoughts into my Child's mind. A trust I will be held responsible for. What should I do?

Timothy was in a similar situation. A situation where he was charged to duplicate what Paul had done for him.

"And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable men who will also be qualified to teach others."

So what should I do but teach him the truth as I have recieved it and as those before me have recieved it. To guard the deposit or truth that has been made in me (1 Timothy 6:20).

Starting A New

So I am in a good unit and its time to begin again. I have already set my goals (see previous entry). But I have to ask the question, "What does this ministry look like?" You see whenever you have a goal you need a vision or an image of what it looks like.

I guess the first part of my vision is presence. I want to do what they do and go where they go. Why? So I can speak from there perspective. I want to be recognized as both one of there's and one of God's. By this I hope to introduce God to there presence. I want them to recognize that they are in the presence on the divine (Gen 28:16). That this be used as a bridge to belief.

Secondly I want to aid or partner with the Holy Spirit in affecting the soldier's culture and their person. I recognize that these are (for the most part) not Church boys. I recognize that they might not in the time that I am here go to Church. They can still however be influenced by the divine. They might not all make it to Jesus on my watch. They might not all make it from Genesis to Revelations (from sin to glory) but they can make it from Gensis to Liviticus (the Law Giving) if not to Deuteronomy (the reaplication of the Law or God becomming ingrained into the culture).

What would this look like? It would be the introduction of a moral cumpus. It would mean that they gain knowledge of the divine. That they might taste and see that the Lord is good. It means coaxing soldiers into Bible studies, apolagetics discussions and good works. It means a little bit of cross polishing, to present Christ in the best possilble light whether in public prayers, counseling, retreats or soldierly pressence. Here the goal is to put the power of Christ on full display.

Finally the challenge is to take advantage of the seasons of the soul to reap a harvest. I must learn to recognize them and to work within them. To speak peace to the angry. To tear down the proud and lift up the humble. To wipe away tears and to strengthen the weak. God is good and I pray that he uses me to show himself good to the soldiers.

Goals

For those that don't know I can be a little bit competitive (no really?). The one that I compete with the most is myself. I remember in basic training the Drill Sargent would say doing your best only gets you to the fight. You have to do better to win it.

Well that work ethic has served me well this year. I made the deans list at Liberty University and finally scored 270 on my PT test (a goal I have had for 10 years) at CH BOLIC (the Chaplain Officer Course). Not that there isn't room for improvement. Still its good to make progress on your goals. With my accession board convening on the 12th I can't help but be hopeful.

What are my goals? I want to hit the remainder of CH BOLIC hard and heavy. Pour it on until all else is drown in the flood. Steam role my final 2 courses at Liberty and take my first battalion. There develop a systematic comprehensive ministry plan to overcome every obstacle.

Bring God to soldiers and soldiers to God. Its easy to claim 100% effectiveness (they get there somehow) but I would prefer they did it on this side of the river. Unto that end I dedicate myself.

Family? Well I want a healthy and productive one. My children growing in strength and purpose and my wife loved and cared for.

Spiritually? Here I want depth and application. I want to take the whole word and let it sink into my life. I want to explore my sacred pathway. I want to dig down so far into the rock to build my life in application and character that they cannot determine where the rock begins and I end.

So hear I am finally with my goals set for my hope filled future.

This Day Five Years Ago ...

On this day five years ago I quit smoking. Some of you might not even remember me as a smoker but it's true. Some of you might never have known.

I started out as a casual smoker in my senior year of College in 97. Before that I would swipe an occasional cigarette (2-3 a year) from Ken and before that Ronald. I did it when I wanted to feel like a bad boy. Well when I joined the Army it became a when I go out occasion. I mean I was going to smell like cigarettes anyway so why not get the filter.

Then three things happened the encouraged the habit. First SFC Lewis was replaced by SFC Tessie Coe. What does that have to do about it? Well SFC Lewis was perhaps the best NCO I have ever known. SFC Coe the opposite. The stress was enormous. Second I was not selected for Officer Candidate School. Third I had a change of friends. Amy Wood and PFC-PVT-SPC Randy Holtzapple. Well I don't blame any of them but lets just say my life was unique at that point and I started smoking all the time.


I tried quiting after a year or so and figured out that I was hooked. I quit for over a month before PLDC (Primar Leadership Development Course, Now WLC Warrior Leader Course). I hit the stress of training and folded. I quit again as soon as I hit Fort Belvoir.

Well then I got serious about it. I remembered a few sermons I heard. One was from Paul Wagner about how some trials in our life require two people or more to help conquer. He gave the illustration of how foot soldiers would take out a knight. One would block the lance therby creating the opening and the second with his pike would dismount the rider. This sunk in. I needed help but what kind I already tried a support group.

The second sermon I remember was from Dr George. I attended his Sunday school class back at Liberty. He suggested that to stay at the cutting edge spiritually there were six relationships that you needed to maintain. Three were from each area of your life, work, family, church. The remaining three were three roles that were needed, the encourager, the mentor and the disciple.

The third thing was from my father. Mark Spooner is one to fast. If you see him dealing with a big issue in his life that he can't seem to get his hands around he fasts. I had heard of people who fasted a great many things. William VanDyke a friend of mine fasted all sorts of things. So I tried to convince six people to pray and fast for me for a month. Not a full fast but give up for one month what they enjoyed the most. When ever they craved that item they would refrain and then pray for me.

Well there was a lot more to it then that. I fasted prior (favorite thing) and I did what I could to prepare. I would like to say it was easy but it wasn't. It was hard but it got easier. It continues to get easier. Well tomorrow I go to CH BOLIC to finish the Army part of my Chaplain training. I just celebrated my third Wedding Anniversary and I will finish Seminary in the fall. My relationships are now stronger and have greater meaning. I am happier, healthier and have a better hope for my future. Was it worth it? You bet.

I hope to post again soon but CH BOLIC as most Army trainings can be strenuous so it might be a little bit. So until then I hope you stay heading toward that hope filled future.

Ethics

So here is an ethics quiz. Are you ready?

You walk out to mail your stimulus check to the bank. Its a lazy day and you are not in a hurry. You bring a cup of coffee as you go. You don't want to spill it so you walk slow sipping the coffee.

Your next door neighbor seems to be having problems. She is yelling at her kids inside her apartment. Its loud you can hear it on the sidewalk. Not wanting to intrude you keep walking sipping your coffee.

You drop your letter in the mailbox and come back to your apartment. When you do you see the little old lady that is walking along. You wave and then you see a muscular man wave at the old lady too.

He pulls up in front of your apartment building and you get your personal episode of Sopranos. As you are going in you hear a slapping sound and the man telling the next door neighbor to get in there "b___h" and "Where is it b___h" "Get inside the house."

Your think your neighbor is going to get throttled until she gives the money up.
You don't here any more hitting just the women saying she will get it.

So your neighbor is getting the shake down what do you do?

A) Nothing, its not your problem.

B) Tell the big bull to not hit women.

C) Talk to the neighbor afterward about counseling agencies

D) None of the above (insert your own answer)

Semesters End

So the Semester is over and another has begun. I finished better then I did the mid semester courses. Mid Semester I finished two courses with Bs. Now I finished my remaining three with As. It is my hope that I finish my life in the same way, the last being of better quality and character then the first.

I am taking it easier this semester. I only have nine credit hours or three courses left. Instead of killing myself to finish this Sumer I am only taking one course of the three and finishing up CH-BOLIC. CH-BOLIC is the Army’s basic officer course. I am putting my packet together, taking care of errands and other loose ends to bring me back on active duty.

I went to Fort Lee, VA and scoped out the O-6. While there I thought to kill two birds with one stone and convert my enlisted dress uniforms for officer wear. I “accidentally” waited in the wrong area to turn in my Class A uniform. Anyway I sat for some time next to a SFC who was drilling over at Fort Lee. We struck up a conversation and I mentioned why I was there.

She asked how I could “just start over.” I gave her a standard answer but I think the question deserves a better answer. I had three answers in my head. Two of which I told her. I first told her that I was board. That being stuck in places at higher headquarters was tedious. Then I gave her a truer answer. I said I wanted to be back with the soldiers. There was a third answer moving around in my brain, that I was doing it for the money. Well none of them pass muster to be honest.

The real answer is that of hope. It is my hope that I can do better then I have done before. That I can be more than I have been. That with God I can accomplish what for many has seemed impossible. What before was unclear is becoming more clear to me.

Botak Man

Well as you can see I had my haircut. This according to my wife means I am botak man or bald man. I really do not understand her. When we were dating I was in the Army. When we married I was in the Army. Short hair is part of being in the Army. I have at least ten more years of this and to be honest I like it!

What can I say? Long hair is not comfortable for active people. I feel sorry for my counterparts in the Army. I mean the military does not allow them to pull a GI Jane. The mustfemale maintain a feminine appearance. My hat goes off to you because I know that when your on your third or fifth mile that it just gets in the way. It's just to hot.

But its not just that. I trace so many positive changes in myself to my entry into the military. What was the first thing they do? That's right they shave the head. They give you a new identity. Well lets just say that I am institutionalized. I like my new identity. When my hair gets long I loose something. I loose my identity as a soldier.

So I have to say, "I like who I see in the mirror." Have a good Army day.

Hard Work is Hard Work

I have begun a new project at my church that has met with some success. After an evaluation of the needs of the youth group I discovered the primary need is (and really for the church as a whole) leadership.

It is here that I feel I am likely misunderstood so I will explain. I am not saying that the Church is not well lead. The Pastor and the Youth Pastor are both very skilled. What is missing is what is called in business "Middle Management." That is structured lay leader management where they can in turn sow into the lives of those around them to meet one on one mentoring.

This problem is more pronounced in the youth. There are few of what we would call spiritual leaders there. While I don't expect a Moses at that age level I do expect a few Joshuas or maybe even an Isaiah. When I started out I would have been happy to find a Mariam.

So for the last few weeks I have been building up support for some junior leaders. I plan on becoming there number one cheer leader and providing the support that they need to progress into some semblance of ministry. After they have gestated through the program of study I hope to have them installed as the Youth Leaders of the Youth Group answerable to Matt.

That is my hope anyway. I have been pushing myself hard lately. So hard I had to sleep for close to twelve hours last night just to feel well again. Candy thinks I might be coming down with something.

Still I am enjoying myself too. I celebrated my thirty fifth birthday last week and it was an important mile marker for me. I guess I am getting a little older now. No longer the punk kid. Now I am at the age when I have become respectable. If they only knew. I saw this article and it inspired me. Old people (82 years old) traveling around the country as a rock and role band.

I guess I am still that punk kid, at least just a little. So now when I get old I want to join a rock and role bank.

But for now hard work is hard work. I am going to push through my work and try for a good weekend. When it's all said and done I know God is good so I'll just keep on working until that shines through.

A Challenge

So its been a week or two sense my last post. Its been a time of growing for me. I have started up a number of new projects; Teaching Sunday School, new courses (Crisis Counseling, Christian Leadership and Christian Leadership? Don't ask. It doesn't make sense to me either), and the dreaded burn out. Couple that with some lingering issues with the government pay system and their payment for my last move. Lets just say it's a challenge.

So how is it going? What can I say other then God is good. Candy has been very helpful taking care of smaller tasks so I can concentrate on larger issues. Taking small steps can relieve big burdens. I saw one of my pay issues become significantly smaller (I was finally paid for most of my DC trip) and I am enrolled for Sumer training with the Army (20th of July - 5 September). These were big issues. They are for the most part fixed.

Taking a sabbath rest...Yes Yes Yes. It is doing wonders. The simple act of taking a day off is wonderful!! I feel like I have a brain again. Beyond that Candy (my wife) has been doing small things to make me feel better. She made this little Easter basket for me and she keeps hinting about my Birthday coming up.

So I have the problems. I know them. I also know God is good. I am going to walk in that taking one small step at a time.

A New Journey

I just finished my last assignment for the half semester (liberty has 8 week cycles or half semesters and 16 week cycles or whole semesters). I petered out at the end. I worked at Walter Reed prior to the semester and it was draining. With this semester being so intense I have had little time to think and process. My wife Candy has been a great help to me.

I have been reminded by this and at many other times that I am no longer alone. This journey for me is a new one. Thoreau said he liked a wide margin to his life. Candy has helped to widen that margin. She has helped encouraged and changed me in so many ways. To give honor to whom honor is due without her I doubt I could have finished this semester.

As she has given wings to my dreams I wonder at hers. We walk together in this garden. I would not have her neglect her life for mine. I would give strength to her vision as she does to mine.

What does the world look like behind those beautiful eyes of hers? I would see it if I could. Of spiritual gifts I would rate empathy above prophecy any day.

Candy has told me only a few of her hopes. Of them are children, growth, salvation to her family and to grow in her gifting as a worship leader and to cook.

I will make Candy's goals mine. I will try to see that in her life all these giftings are lived out.

A New Hope

It's been maybe three years since I began working on my Masters for the Chaplaincy. I had previously given up on it. Then Candy (my wife) came along and suddenly there was purpose in me going the extra mile. I had pursued the ministry on and off for over ten years now.

When I graduated from Liberty University back in 97' I thought I was going to work with my home church in youth Ministry. I came back to believer's chapel only to find that there was no need. I joined the Army soon afterward. I was running from God. I really didn't think he cared any more.
Well in my little barracks room I watched Shawshank Redemption. The movie was largely about hope. In it Stephen King summarizes hope up in Andy's talk to his friend Red. "Remember Red. Hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies." From that point on I lived in hope that God would take care of me. That he loved me.

For a long time that hope has been summed up in the Chaplaincy. I was a Chaplain's Assistant and found it a good avenue to minister to soldiers. Still I felt I needed to do more. To be more. So I tried and I tried to step out there but never giving it my all (less I fail). I did not want to be hurt. When I married Candy I knew something was different. I had in front of me a physical manifestation of God's provision of love in my life.

I need not worry if I fail God will be with me. I would not be alone because he would not forsake me. But more then that (if there is such a thing) God had provided me comfort which was something that I sorely needed. So after I married Candy I started to pursue the Chaplaincy again in earnest.

Like I said it's been almost three years now. I am almost done. It's now that I am looking around and wondering what now? When you get what you hope for what next? When you stand on the beach of Zihuatanejo, where do you look for a brand new hope?

I'll be interested in seeing your replies.